Forgetfulness 2 (and an honest confession)

Ok, so after I finished writing the last one, I thought I was missing the most important point.

To those living around me, how forgetful I am towards the others is definitely not as important as how forgetful I am towards my own wrong deeds.

I don't remember how I had angered the others.

The whole forgetfulness thing applies, most whole-heartedly, to my own self.
That, perhaps, is the most unforgivable part.

It's not that I don't care about others.
Ok, maybe a bit. I am an introvert and an only child for most of my life.
(I should stop making excuses for myself... )
Anyway, I am a selfish person. And I am aware of that.
That could lead me become less sensitive to what I have done to the others.

But honestly, I just don't remember.
I don't remember the details of any fights.
That is the worst, I guess....
I am running away from my responsibilities, like a reckless driver who just ran over someone,
and decided to simply drive away.

Put the whole incident behind himself.

So people usually hold grudges towards me, while I don't have a single clue as to what happen.

I may have a "hunch" that we don't get along anymore.
But I just can't talk properly or recall details as to why or how did that happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I know I got this problem.

Whenever there's an argument or disagreement of any sort,
I have to settle it immediately.
No matter it is with family, friends or husband.

That's just my sort-of inborn practice.

Or else, I would forget in just another day.

He knows all about it. When we argue, even though it's at the middle of the night,
I had to settle it first.

That's totally tormenting ... And he's been really patient....
But this is the only way both of us have to the chance to vent out our emotions...

Otherwise I would forget the whole thing the next day (or the day after next, maybe),
acting completely normal and perhaps a bit too cheerful,
while his anger is eating up his heart ....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just learn it recently, in the hard way, that not everyone is prepared to settle things right away. 

Some prefer to keep it to their hearts and let it accumulate. 

And I could never respond to that sudden flood of accusations and anger.
I would yell, "it's unfair" because I don't remember.
I don't know. 

But I guess, that's unfair to the other side as well...
As they hold up all the grudges for all this time, and I just joyfully put their pain behind my back, 

like the reckless driver...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I guess, my conclusion is this...

There are people that should be out of my reach.

As I am dangerous to them.

It's not that they would bring out the worst of me. 

(Because, in the most normal circumstances, I go back to be my own normal self in just two days.)

But I would bring out the worst of them. 

The responsibilities lie on both parties.

The forgetfulness and the unforgetfulness.

It's hard to bring them both together.
In the deepest of all relationships.