On the Edge

So very tired.

It's like walking on the edge of a cliff...
Taking each step with immense attention and carefulness...
try not to fall into the unknown blackness...

This pressure just swarms in every day...

The first time in my five years of work life,
 I really don't want to work on what I'm supposed to work on...

This is just so not me...
I love work... really...
I keep telling myself it's some stupid tantrums going on...
But it just won't get better...



I know I'm retreating back into my cave...
want to be alone all the time...
no interest in having any kind of social activities...
not interested in having fancy dinners ...

just want to stay back at my place and do my own reading ...

I wish this journey around the cliff would end soon...
It's just so tiring....



There are a lot of discussions on mid-aged crisis..
But no talks on how to face the mid-twenty crisis...
We face so many changes,
we make significant decisions that could literally give a detour to our lives,
we meet with the harsh and cruel realities of the real world,
we have so many disappointments with people surrounding us,
we are so confused when responsibilities keep pouring in...


And, we have to keep telling ourselves, "that's what it means to be an ADULT."

The child inside my heart is fighting the adult inside my head...

so very tiring....